I see it as a time of triumphs, and so could you.  In this post, I will explain how it can be done and leave you time to reject it entirely.  I will caution you, however that as you begin to reject it, you stop and think whether what you have that is better.

I’ll begin with some examples that will give you all the reason you need to stop reading.  I am writing this at a Starbucks in Denver.  This Starbucks is about half a mile from our hotel.  So I put my computer into my backpack and got ready to head out the door.  I had forgotten, however, to zip one of the pockets in the backpack and a piece of crumpled foil fell out.  I reached down and picked it up and threw it away.  Triumph!

Big deal?  Certainly not.  Triumph?  Absolutely.  Reaching down all the way to the floor is very far from automatic anymore.  It is closer to a routine problem.  What it is NOT is automatic and unnoticed.

Second example.  Yesterday I sat through a graduation ceremony at which two of my step-granddaughters (my step-daughter’s children) graduated from high school.  Word had it that there were 600+ graduates and I was in the middle of a very long row.  I began to get the early symptoms that either are vertigo or that signal an episode of vasovagal syncope. [1]  This is a disaster for newbies, but I am not a newbie.  I crossed my legs and squeezed them together, I rubbed some cold water on my face and neck, and I focused my vision on one of the flags set up on the floor.  And when it was ready, it left me to enjoy the rest of the ceremony.  Triumph!

Third and final example.  Last year, when we attended this graduation (for a step-grandson) we parked in a nearby parking garage, where we were stuck afterwards for over an hour.  This year, we located a neighborhood that was a good distance from the arena where the graduation was held.  Can I walk the distance to the arena?  Yes, despite the fact that if I stride out at my normal pace, the muscles along both shinbones will cramp painfully.  So I dealt with this situation in two ways: social and physical.  The social solution is to tell the other members of my group that I am going to have to slow down periodically and they need to keep track of where I am.  I don’t require any help; just understanding.  The physical solution is to alternate normal walking pace with much slower walking (creeping) pace and cover the distance with scarcely any pain at all.  Triumph!

Why, exactly, do those illustrate triumphs?

It is that question that impeded my progress for so long.  I think I understand it now.  When I was, say, half my current age, I did not experience any of those obstacles.  No obstacles, no overcoming of obstacles.  That is so obviously true that some of you might be tempted to accuse me of praising the obstacles just so that I could overcome them.  Not so.  In a heartbeat, I would choose not to experience those obstacles last all.  But back when I was 44, I had other obstacles to deal with.

Furthermore, there is an intermediate stage between the easy and natural performance of tasks and the labored triumph I currently experience.  It is stage of ignorance, frustration, and resentment.  IFR.  [2] The fundamental question—so silly that you never actually asked it out loud—is: “Why is this happening to me?  It never happened to me before!”

“Ignorance” because you don’t know what it is, much less why.  In the foil example, my lower back has stiffened up and I have to deal with it diplomatically, as if it were a foreign government.  I know that now. [3]  “Frustration” because I keep trying to do what I have always done—and sometimes it works—and mostly failing.  My efforts are frustrated and I am taking the frustration personally.  Hence the “resentment.”  Something I have a right to has been taken away from me and I am angry about it.  Since my rights (never considered before they were abrogated) have been taken away, I have every right to my resentment.

And I do.

But, of course, it doesn’t help.  And given what I know, I cannot have my ignorance back.  And given that I still have to do the things I was doing, frustration only makes it more difficult to acquire the new skills I need.  So of the three, the only one that needs to be resolved is Ignorance.  The other two I just need to get over.

So here is the hard part of the essay.  I have laid out the three eras.  The interposition of the second era is the basis for my experience in the third era.  In the third era, I no longer suffer from the ignorance I had and, with a little practice, I also no longer have to fail at the task.  There is, in fact, a way of bending over to pick up the foil if I do it thoughtfully, i.e., in the way I have learned to do it and have practiced doing it.  There is, usually, a way to head off the lightheadedness and blurred vision that might be simple vertigo but that also might be a looming social disaster. [4] There is a way to walk “with the group” if they know how I will have to vary my pace to walk the distance.

The first era is nice, but it is not about triumphing over obstacles.  The second era is awful, but it forms the basis for the third era, which I am busy celebrating and suggesting in this post.

These may seem to you to be “cheap triumphs.”  They are not.  In the first place, they eventuate in actions that are worth taking.  In the second place, I had to learn a lot that was hard to learn—even after I got rid of the resentment—and I did and I learned how and when to use it.  Those are achievements—you cannot say they are not.  But they do not need to be celebrated as triumphs.  It was my own decision to do that and the basis for the decision was that celebrating triumphs does a lot of good things for me.

And why would I not choose that?  I can think of only three reasons: ignorance, frustration, and resentment.  I am tired now and I rest my case.

[1]  For people who don’t have this particular inconvenience, it means that heart’s vagus nerve acts up, my blood pressure falls rapidly, and someone calls 911.  These are all consequences that do not belong in the graduation scenario.

[2]  IFR for those who would be disappointed in me if I did not include at least one TLA (Three Letter Acronym)]

[3]  Please do not go off along the lines of what I might be able to do to reconcile myself with my lower back.  This essay is complicated enough without that and you are only doing it so you will not have to think about what I am asking you to think about.

[4]  It is a social disaster only. I am awake and fully competent by the time the ambulance arrives, but I now know that there will be eight hours of pointless testing before they will let me go home.